Assorted Snobbery: Travel Observations

One thing that travel often accomplishes for me is a renewed irritation for many of my fellow man. I have a few pop pyschologist opinions on the subject of travel which are likely full of holes, but here are a few items that are sticking with as I sit in the Denver airport.

People walking in crowds need signalling devices, like a car.

Watching people get sideswiped and rear-ended over the course of the past few days became commonplace. Like the white rabbit muttering, "I'm late," people seem to be walking around, heads down looking at their smart phone, or simply avoiding eye contact. "An important email? I better stop dead in my tracks to read more closely." Bamm. Spilt Starbucks. I've heard Americans make fun of traffic overseas for its chaos and rudeness. We do the same thing when we walk. After one such collision, which left paper all over the floor, I quipped, "I'm signalling for turns from now on." The comment got some laughs, then some guy typing on his Blackberry slammed into the guy picking up his papers.

"Uh, it seems your in my seat" or Squatter's Rights

This may be a weird creation circumstance, but it's happened to a lesser extent on others, so I am rolling with it. On all but one leg of my flights, someone decided to hunker down in my seat since they didn't like theirs. Each time, when I politely asked for my seat, the offender gave me a look like I had just screwed him over. Yes, I paid a bit more for my seat, made the effort to get the aisle and now, simply because you've sat there, I am the bad guy. Got it. I guess they do say that ownership is 9/10's of the law.

Rube Goldberg Flies.

Suddenly leaning your seat back blindly on a plane is likely going to negatively impact someone, and that someone could be you. I've never seen synchronized seat back leaning before, and I hope it doesn't make the Olympics, but I have to admit, it has entertainment value. On the other side of the aisle during my flight home, two people leaned their seats back without looking simultaneously and all hell broke loose. Both the aisle side and middle seats came back while beverages were being served and, while I can't explain the physics involved, a coke and a water were catapulted into the air, spraying various parties and making a general mess. Quick to follow were heated exchanges and stewardesses scrambling to restore order and bring peace to the middle of the cabin. Then, after 15 minutes of uneasy calm, the aisle side offender dropped his seat back again without looking, coming inches away from the guy behind him. The near missed caused the man who had narrowly escaped to look around stunned as if to say, "Can you believe this shit." I made a face of sympathy in return, then, looking at close the "leaner's" head actually was to the guy behind him said, "Flick him in ear. That should send a message," then put a big grin on my face. To my surprise, both guys turned and grinned at me. It was unbelieveable.

Man, am I happy to be back home.