How to be Hated at the YMCA

Granted, most people work to fit into life, but if you are in the mood to embrace your outcast self. Give some of these simple steps a try.

Step One. Visit the newest YMCA in your community. A spartan Y won't cut it. An older Y makes you just another freak in a freak kingdom. To truly bring the disdain of others to the fore, you want to visit an overly clean, upscale, yuppie Y. If the Y has a climbing wall, things are looking up. If you can climb the walls because of cracks in the brick and mortar, continue your search.

Step Two. Dress the Part. Pink Cars-R-Coffins t-shirts, brown Surly socks and black Vans do wonders for your YMCA "curb appeal." If you can stroll through the workout area like you're on the catwalk, you'll really make it count. Own it baby.

Step Three. Out Muscle the Muscle-Heads. This is a personal Snob favorite. After gathering several steroid induced rage-like glares, wait patiently in line for the leg press, squat machine or other like machine. Nothing bubbles the hate to the surface like getting outlifted by "the faggot in the pink shirt."

Step Four. Assist the Lovely Lady. Treadmills can be hard to understand. So can beautiful ladies. Combine the two past-times by aiding that make-up clad Miss in getting that machine up to speed. Be careful though. Remember, she really just wants to "tone."

Note: A smooth carry-out of step four in front of the gentleman in step three will really multiple your points. I like to call this the "daily double of roid rage."